Don't some of them seem to last seven years, anyway?
The last time I posted, I mentioned N. was sick. Well, to come full circle, as of yesterday, now ALL the members of the Small World have been sick at some point in the last two week cycle. O. and J. with a stomach bug, N. and I with the same nasty cold, and now our dear Scout with a UTI. Well, actually, the vet says the urine test was negative, but I refuse to believe that she has just started to pee in the house every night for no reason, so UTI it is. (the vet gave us some amoxycillin just in case, and I'm giving it to her: dog super bugs be damned.)
Urine test? How do you get a urine sample from a dog, you say? Well, it goes something like this:
Follow your dog around the yard with a GladWare container. (Don't you just wish I had ads on this blog? Wouldn't that be a great tie in? First product placement on Top Chef, now here on the Small World!) When she squats, shove the container right under her. You may get a couple of drops. At this point, she will look at you as if you are crazy, and shocked that you would disrupt her privacy in such a way.
She's secretly a princess you know, despite the low maintenence, "I've got the personality of a cat" front she likes to show to the world. Why else does she ensconce herself atop our retaining wall each day to survey her kingdom?
So, instead you have to take her for a walk down the street, because she'll always pee in someone else's yard. The kids of course have to come, and O. will want to hold the leash. You weren't planning on this taking long, so you don't take the stroller. N. will be tripped up by the leash at least three times, and O. will not be able to keep the leash from between the dog's legs, so when you do try for another collection, there will be more pee on the leash than in your dish.
Just as you think you might be having success, along comes a car into your cul de sac. Herd the kids up in the yard with the dog, who is now producing a different kind of sample for you. In someone else's yard. And you only brought the pee dish, not a bag.
The car? It will be a friend of yours with her son on his paper route. You have now lost any chance of pretending this whole scene never happened.
Back in your own yard, distract the kids from the ten thousand questions about do we have enough pee, and where you're going to put it, and why is the dog sick, and what will the vet do with it, and remember when I peed in a cup, and can I do that again by pointing out all the dry day lily stalks that can be pulled out just like that.
Now you can spend the next half hour crushing dry stalks with the garage door, and delivering sticks to all the neighbors, just like newspapers. At which time you will look over to discover the dog has accompanied you on this walk as well, this time while wearing her electric fence collar, which apparently is not working.
You will not have to actually take the dog to the vet, because they do not have appointments until next week. But because you have yet to bother to find a vet closer than 25 miles away, even though you have lived in this city for ten years now, your parents will stop by your house at 9:30PM (on their way home from somewhere else) to pick up the urine, and take it to the vet in your hometown for you.
And then you will go to a soccer game to get her meds, because that's where your parents are tonight. And then you will give her the medication, because: it's easier than admitting that your dog might just be 12 years old and can't really make it through the night without peeing anymore. Because for god's sake: we just STOPPED getting up in the middle of the night to deal with children, right??